Wednesday, April 6, 2011
toxic... wow.
Just found out my uterus is toxic to sperm... okay... really, I'm okay with this. I am not in the mood to grow babies... but toxic... wow.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
fail
So this once a week thing is a total fail on my part. At least I'm willing to admit it. I suck. On the other hand I am totally awesome... And... I have it in writing. Confirmed by my boss even... So, maybe it evens out in the end.
I'm an awesome failure. Sweet.
I'm an awesome failure. Sweet.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
holy marfa I'm behind...
well fuck! quick catch up for the two of you that probably aren't reading this anyway.
Jan 28th - I had my first surgery to fix my old lady legs.
Feb 4th - I signed up at plentoffish.com.
Feb 5th - blocked Mark from KCK who wanted to fuck me
Feb 8th - blocked Shan Gao, but you can call me Peter, for general creepiness
Feb 10th - 1st 1st date from said .com
Feb 12th - Clyde went to her 2nd high school dance, this time with a Date (the sunburnt chicken... and now they are GF/BF... he is so cute..!)
Feb 13th - 2nd 1st date from said .com
Feb 14th - avoided all notions of romance
Feb 15th - oh wait... that's today. You are officially up to speed!
Jan 28th - I had my first surgery to fix my old lady legs.
Feb 4th - I signed up at plentoffish.com.
Feb 5th - blocked Mark from KCK who wanted to fuck me
Feb 8th - blocked Shan Gao, but you can call me Peter, for general creepiness
Feb 10th - 1st 1st date from said .com
Feb 12th - Clyde went to her 2nd high school dance, this time with a Date (the sunburnt chicken... and now they are GF/BF... he is so cute..!)
Feb 13th - 2nd 1st date from said .com
Feb 14th - avoided all notions of romance
Feb 15th - oh wait... that's today. You are officially up to speed!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Imbolc (alternately titled: In my own way I'm a believer)
Imbolc (a.k.a. Candlemas... and Grondhog Day) Another Pagan holiday that was "borrowed". This one is the mid way point between the Winter Solstice and the Vernal Equinox. When Jack Frost battles the Green Man of Spring... alternately if you follow the cycle of the dual gods then this would be when The light usurps and kills off his father the Dark. Or if you follow the Groundhog if he sees his shadow... Whatever.
I've stated elsewhere that I am a thiest of no affiliation with wiccan leanings. I can't think of a more appropriate way to say it. I believe in a higher power... a loving mother that gives us all a mind to think with and to know what's right and wrong. Not someone to solve my problems or to catch me when I fall. Not someone to be blamed when her children go astray...
I spent a lot of time investigating religions... wicca seems right to me, but I am leary of religon (all religion) so I have always forged my own path. I am one generation removed from Baptists, Catholics, and Presbaterians. My cousin is on a path that is leading her to become ordained in the Methodist church. My friends are Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, Pagan, Athiest, Catholic, all sorts of non-Catholic Christian varieties, Mormon, and I think there is even a Krisha in there somewhere. I'm okay with religion as long as I don't have to participate or believe. I suppose you could say I'm on the fringe.
One day I made the statement "I'm a bad witch". One of my witchy friends went... well, freakin bazerko nuts on me. What I meant by the statement was something a bit less along the lines of wicked witch of the west and more along the lines of "I'm a bad Catholic"... like... culturally Ed is Catholic, but he hasn't been to mass in 15 years, doesn't remember the rosary, and probably wouldn't know where to find a church anyway.
The truth is, I'm not so much a bad witch as I am a skeptical human that doesn't believe in the power of ritual except my own personal ones. I enjoy the holidays of the wheel of the year... but I don't really believe in them... Do I think that Jack and Greenie are really batteling? Um... no. I think the season's will change becasue of the rotation of the earth. Do I think that the light king is literally going to usurp his father, the dark king ,and kill him then fornicate with his mother? Um... no. But I do think it is a cleaver way to explain the changing seasons... and to work in a party every 6 weeks or so.
In my own way I'm a believer... in my own way right or wrong. As for Imbolc... I will be routing for the Green Man of Spring... who wouldn't be at this point? It's almost February, and I'm in Kansas... it's cold.
I've stated elsewhere that I am a thiest of no affiliation with wiccan leanings. I can't think of a more appropriate way to say it. I believe in a higher power... a loving mother that gives us all a mind to think with and to know what's right and wrong. Not someone to solve my problems or to catch me when I fall. Not someone to be blamed when her children go astray...
I spent a lot of time investigating religions... wicca seems right to me, but I am leary of religon (all religion) so I have always forged my own path. I am one generation removed from Baptists, Catholics, and Presbaterians. My cousin is on a path that is leading her to become ordained in the Methodist church. My friends are Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, Pagan, Athiest, Catholic, all sorts of non-Catholic Christian varieties, Mormon, and I think there is even a Krisha in there somewhere. I'm okay with religion as long as I don't have to participate or believe. I suppose you could say I'm on the fringe.
One day I made the statement "I'm a bad witch". One of my witchy friends went... well, freakin bazerko nuts on me. What I meant by the statement was something a bit less along the lines of wicked witch of the west and more along the lines of "I'm a bad Catholic"... like... culturally Ed is Catholic, but he hasn't been to mass in 15 years, doesn't remember the rosary, and probably wouldn't know where to find a church anyway.
The truth is, I'm not so much a bad witch as I am a skeptical human that doesn't believe in the power of ritual except my own personal ones. I enjoy the holidays of the wheel of the year... but I don't really believe in them... Do I think that Jack and Greenie are really batteling? Um... no. I think the season's will change becasue of the rotation of the earth. Do I think that the light king is literally going to usurp his father, the dark king ,and kill him then fornicate with his mother? Um... no. But I do think it is a cleaver way to explain the changing seasons... and to work in a party every 6 weeks or so.
In my own way I'm a believer... in my own way right or wrong. As for Imbolc... I will be routing for the Green Man of Spring... who wouldn't be at this point? It's almost February, and I'm in Kansas... it's cold.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
My weekend alone... My lonely weekend.
I was supposed to have plans this weekend, but they had to be rescheduled. So I found myself completely alone with nothing to do. I have managed to avoid this situation for almost a year. When the kids are gone to their dads I fill up the blank spaces... so I don't have to be alone... so I don't have all this me time to deal with.
Saturday I got up, did a bit of light housekeeping, and took myself to the Nelson Atkins Museum in KC. I thought I might have ran into a friend there, but circumstances were not in my favor. My first stop was the Buddhist temple room. There is a wonderful Buddahvista of Mercy there and a dragon ceiling from the forbidden city. This is my favorite place in the museum. When I arrived there was a young couple sitting on one of the two benches. This room is quite dark and they were taking advantage of the opportunity to express their affection physically. I think they expected me to leave, but this is my museum too and there are other dark corners available to them.
After a lovely time refilling my cup with peace and tranquility I walked the familiar passages and found some of my favorite things. My favorite piece changes each time I go to the museum... yesterday I think it was a painting by Guy Head (with an incredibly long title) Iris bringing the waters of the River Styx to Olympus for the Gods to swear by (or something to that effect). I enjoy this painting for a couple of subtle reasons. There is a wonderful rainbow of light coming out of Iris' hair and streaming in an arch down her body and across her feet. Also, if you look below the brilliance of the figure you will see a dark and enchanting landscape. It is the underworld, but also not. If you can not pull your gaze from the beauty and light of Iris you will miss it entirely.
I was doing fine on my own until I left the museum... and then the alone really struck. I took the strangest path home... through what is certainly not the most dangerous part of KCK... but also not the safest. I stopped by my Aunt Janice's house. I haven't been since my dear Uncle passed away. I almost couldn't go to the door... when I did there was no answer. I felt lost all over again. I eventually found myself sitting in a parking lot overlooking the highway... watching cars go by but not really seeing them. When I snapped out of it I drove home and found solice with my computer... friends to chat with, but none to be with. Lost.
Eventually I headed to town... dinner at a friend's place (Cutter's) and conversation with O'Canada. We talked about men, relationships, and sex... He said that he didn't see any reason that I wasn't worthy of a good man and a real relationship... He said I was pretty, and funny, and smart...
When I left I couldn't quite face home again, so I stopped in to check on a friend... make sure he really was doing okay after the heart attack scare. He was... I left there to find more snow falling from the sky. But headed even farther away from home. I drove another 10 miles away from home to get cat food and milk. Finally home after 11:30... I still couldn't stand to be alone. Back to the solice of my virtual life. I found the museum friend online and chatted until we both fell asleep.
And here I am today... avoiding real life, in favor of the virtual.
I've got a lot of growing to do.
Saturday I got up, did a bit of light housekeeping, and took myself to the Nelson Atkins Museum in KC. I thought I might have ran into a friend there, but circumstances were not in my favor. My first stop was the Buddhist temple room. There is a wonderful Buddahvista of Mercy there and a dragon ceiling from the forbidden city. This is my favorite place in the museum. When I arrived there was a young couple sitting on one of the two benches. This room is quite dark and they were taking advantage of the opportunity to express their affection physically. I think they expected me to leave, but this is my museum too and there are other dark corners available to them.
After a lovely time refilling my cup with peace and tranquility I walked the familiar passages and found some of my favorite things. My favorite piece changes each time I go to the museum... yesterday I think it was a painting by Guy Head (with an incredibly long title) Iris bringing the waters of the River Styx to Olympus for the Gods to swear by (or something to that effect). I enjoy this painting for a couple of subtle reasons. There is a wonderful rainbow of light coming out of Iris' hair and streaming in an arch down her body and across her feet. Also, if you look below the brilliance of the figure you will see a dark and enchanting landscape. It is the underworld, but also not. If you can not pull your gaze from the beauty and light of Iris you will miss it entirely.
I was doing fine on my own until I left the museum... and then the alone really struck. I took the strangest path home... through what is certainly not the most dangerous part of KCK... but also not the safest. I stopped by my Aunt Janice's house. I haven't been since my dear Uncle passed away. I almost couldn't go to the door... when I did there was no answer. I felt lost all over again. I eventually found myself sitting in a parking lot overlooking the highway... watching cars go by but not really seeing them. When I snapped out of it I drove home and found solice with my computer... friends to chat with, but none to be with. Lost.
Eventually I headed to town... dinner at a friend's place (Cutter's) and conversation with O'Canada. We talked about men, relationships, and sex... He said that he didn't see any reason that I wasn't worthy of a good man and a real relationship... He said I was pretty, and funny, and smart...
When I left I couldn't quite face home again, so I stopped in to check on a friend... make sure he really was doing okay after the heart attack scare. He was... I left there to find more snow falling from the sky. But headed even farther away from home. I drove another 10 miles away from home to get cat food and milk. Finally home after 11:30... I still couldn't stand to be alone. Back to the solice of my virtual life. I found the museum friend online and chatted until we both fell asleep.
And here I am today... avoiding real life, in favor of the virtual.
I've got a lot of growing to do.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Baby Doc Duvalier was talking about cheese...
It's Tuesday... I think it's Tuesday anyway. I have strep... I could be on a different planet and I wouldn't know. I've been full on fever, chills, the whole bit for say 26 hours now. My throat is swollen to the rediculous and feels like David Banner is squeezing it around my vocal chords... I sound... well awful.
I'm taking drugs. Omnicef for the strep and Lortab for the pain. This has resulted in some pretty wicked hallucinations today. Random Oompaloompas (although they might have been munchkins) birds, and by far the best... Baby Doc Duvalier. He sat on the edge of my bed and told me his favorite cheeses. He's been living in France since he fled Haiti... seems almost logical.
I'm taking drugs. Omnicef for the strep and Lortab for the pain. This has resulted in some pretty wicked hallucinations today. Random Oompaloompas (although they might have been munchkins) birds, and by far the best... Baby Doc Duvalier. He sat on the edge of my bed and told me his favorite cheeses. He's been living in France since he fled Haiti... seems almost logical.
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